Separation Anxiety

"What about August.  What's going on then?"  Thomas and I were standing in front of his giant aviation calendar that hangs in the kitchen, trying to map out our fall events.  Between weddings and birthdays and traveling, I was already starting to dread the busyness.

"Well Dusty and Stephen have bachelor parties two weekends August." Thomas pointed to two consecutive weekends and then grabbed the pen to make a note.

I groaned.  "Two weekends in a row? That sucks!  Do you really have to go?"  I knew it was a selfish question, but I really wanted some time for us without an agenda and even more than that I DID NOT want to be home alone in Macon all weekend.  It is the strangest thing how a single person starts to become part of your identity after only a short time of togetherness.  I've been thinking about it lots this first weekend that he is gone.  I guess sometimes maybe Thomas and I get tired of each other, but for the most part, I love to be with him.  Don't get me wrong, I love a good girls night out, but at the end of those hours, I want to come home to him.

"Yes, Mamie, I have to go.  It'll be fine."  We moved on to look at the rest of August and September, which are packed to the brim.

This weekend Thomas has been gone.  In some ways it was nice to have the house to myself and to get to do as I pleased, but the problem is, being with him is what I pleased to do ... and he wasn't here!

I am proud because I made an effort to "put myself out there."  Apparently I don't do this enough (according to some joining more social functions, like Junior League, would help me ... raise your hand if you can see me in the Junior League??) and that is likely why I have a limited friend bank in Macon, but this weekend I took up an offer to go to the movies with a friend I used to work with and love.  And I invited a new person I've met to come to the pool and get dinner (although neither happened, I did try).   Now, it's Sunday and I'm sitting here twiddling my thumbs waiting for the weekend to be over so Thomas will be back.  I feel like I've done my share of trying to be independent and have friends in Macon.  Now, I'm ready to have my husband back.

I have separation anxiety when it comes to Thomas.  I like being with him.  He makes me feel comfortable and we have fun together.  There are really few places I'd rather be than curled up on the couch with him watching a movie.  I keep hearing married people saying how nice it is when their spouse is gone and they have some time to themselves, and I completely understand that sentiment, but I think I'm still at the point where Thomas being gone just makes me feel lonely and a little incomplete.  A lot of it has to do with the fact that I still don't feel that Macon is mine, and Thomas being gone reminds me that I don't seem to fit in or belong here.  Thomas leaving reminds me that I have a short list of people to call and hang out with.  I do have his family and I love them, but people who aren't sort of "obligated" to like me would really make the world a better place.

So, I would like to state for the record that:
1) I currently hate when Thomas goes out of town
2) I paid my dues of staying alone in Macon and I made it through the weekend! Next weekend, I'm not doing it again though ... one of you may be getting a visit!
3) I don't think it's a bad thing to want to have a night alone OR to want to be with your husband.
4) I wonder if all this stuff will change with time?
5) Words with Friends, Chinese food and frozen yogurt helps the time pass
6) Having to sit at home and wait on a refrigerator repairman 2 days in a row, when the TV decides to randomly stop working DOES NOT help pass the time.