Roger Mark Simmons, Sr. - Our "If" Man

Watching a man slowly lose life is something I never thought I would do. Watching a man that I love slowly lose his life is something I prayed I would never have to think about. But on Wednesday April 20, 2011, surrounded by the Simmons, I watched Roger take his last sweet breath and take his final victory over pancreatic cancer. The 2 days since have been bizarre bits of people, hugs, tears, food, splashes, laughter, love and longing for any day before.

One of Roger's favorite poems, that he shared with Thomas when he was facing hard spots in life, was If by Rudyard Kipling.

If

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or, being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or, being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise;

If you can dream - and not make dreams your master;
If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with triumph and disaster
And treat those two imposters just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with wornout tools;

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breath a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on";

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings - nor lose the common touch;
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run -
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And - which is more - you'll be a Man my son!

When Roger was diagnosed with inoperable pancreatic cancer on December 12, 2011, we all rallied for him to take the cancer down with chemo and trial drugs, diet and positive thinking. When he kept losing weight and getting weaker, I quietly questioned whether he would really beat it or not. And on Wednesday, when he took that last breath, I felt a hot flash of anger that the cancer won. And then Thomas let me read If and I realized that the cancer never won. Roger beat it. He beat it from the moment he was diagnosed. When he waited those long hours during chemo, he was not tired by the waiting. When his loved ones were losing their heads over this diagnosis, he was calm and peaceful and comforted us. When he knew that the cancer was taking over, he never once breathed a word about his loss, but instead spoke constantly of concern for our well-being after his passing. Even in his last moments, when there was nothing left in him, he fought for each last breath. And there is not a person who met Roger who would deny that his heart and nerve and sinew, and especially his kind spirit, are still serving his turn after they are long gone.

I think every memory I've posted so far of good and sweet times in our marriage and courtship has been stocked up to help us get through this time. This is a moment that we will never forget, for Roger was a man that we could never forget.

Roger, if we can live our lives half as valiantly as you did, then we will know that it was a life well-lived.